When I am down, stressed or confused, I tend to hide from my blog. I do this because I feel like my blog has been a portrayal of the fun and witty side of me. I have always wanted to sustain that image…even when I feel quite the opposite. Despite these feelings, something hit me this morning. It was almost like God speaking to me through the story of another blogger. What a revelation that is in itself! Isn’t that what blogging, sharing and community are all about anyway? What good is a personal blog if you cannot identify and connect with the author?
As suggested by a friend, I picked up a copy of Somerset Life magazine and was reading an article by blogger and photographer, Susannah Conway. Her article was about her journey away and then back to London after the death of her lover. Though I personally have not experienced the death of a lover in this sense, I could identify with her feelings of nostalgia and her struggles putting old ghosts to rest. I can say that I have felt like this in my own town, reminded of certain significant relationships. I also feel like this every time I go to Panama. I think about my mother every time I visit, replaying events in my mind like an old home video.
At the end of the article she talks about having overcome the anxiety and insomnia that accompanied this deep tragedy and the lessons she learned along the way. The lesson that I learned after reading her article is that I can’t be afraid to write, even when I feel that I have nothing uplifting to say. I can’t be afraid of who is reading my blog nor can I be afraid to be judged by my writing (or the fact that I own a blog called SexyCatWoman.com). From now on, this blog is an extension of me, my sorrows and my victories. I am never going to be negative, because even when things don’t go my way, there is a bigger lesson to be learned. My responsibility to those in my life and to you that read my blog, is to share these lessons so that you too can identify and learn with me, just as I did with Susannah Conway.
With this said, I feel obligated to catch you up and mention some things I have been afraid to speak about. I will keep this short and to the point. Is the suspense killing you? Her is my life in a nutshell, since my last post:
January: New Years Eve, I was newly single as was my friend Suzy. It was an interesting evening; we were out late at a bar, feeling completely out of our element. I met a nice, good-looking guy from New York that wooed me with his charm, intelligence and awesome hair! That all went down the toilet when I realized 3 martinis later that he had a horrible lisp…I am not being mean, but when a lisper says to you, “I have a hot body underneathe thisth thirt,” the sexual attraction is shot, DEAD! I missed Mike immensely that evening. Lesson? I hate meeting guys at bars so I need to stop meeting guys at bars. The end! If you are like me and I’m sure you are since we are friends and such…learn from me! You can meet a man anywhere else…
Suzy and I
February: Mike and I tried to work things out, it didn’t work. Why? I am not perfect, he is not perfect and no one ever will be, but when a relationship gets run over by a dump truck, like ours did, and is hanging on by a thread in need of some serious rehabilitation, the “rehab phase” is critical! Just like an old, injured bird, the relationship is weak…even a small seed falling on it could kill it. Let’s just say, some stones fell on ours…
Lesson? People typically don’t change. You can only be a better person to yourself and to those you love because you want to be a better person. No one else can influence this change, but you and the one who made you.
End of February: Owen learned how to open a door like a person. Self-taught…my kitty is very educated
March: I picked up a man with my cat. It was a Sunday night 9:30 P.M, the eve of Owen’s 7th Birthday. Owen, sitting ont he rug in the living room, looked like he was choking on his own tongue. Against his will, I apprehensively shoved his furry body into his carrier. I rushed him to the Animal Emergency Hospital to find that Owen had a piece of weather stripping, from the door he had recently learned how to open, caught in his mouth. After the removal of this styrofoam and $200.00 dollars later, I was happy Owen remained alive and with us, but extremely inconvenienced. I shoved his furry little ass back into his carrier, put him in the car…and by golly my car would not start! Seriously, I wanted to murder someone. I called AAA and frantically told the dispatcher that they needed to get someone out to me quickly because I HAD AN ANIMAL IN MY CAR! Not knowing whether or not the dramatization of my situation would hurry things up, they quickly dispatched a very handsome, rugged, fix-it man to save this damsel and her cat. He fixed the problem with my battery, we flirted, exchanged numbers, talked on the phone, went out, hung out some more, he wanted for me to be his girlfriend, we made it official, life is good!
The crap that was caught in Owen’s mouth…and the night I met HIM!
April: Something is unsettling about AAA man. I talk to him about what I am feeling. He listens to me, seems to understand, so I give it a chance…Even though I feel he may not be ready for a relationship, I give him the “benefit of the doubt.” The second I do, he backs out. Done! I’m dumbfounded, but slightly relieved. I should have listened to my gut.
Lesson? Your gut feeling is NEVER wrong. Darn the person that came up with that saying, “benefit of the doubt!” What does that even mean? Stupid!
On a lovelier note, my good friend, Ashley, married the love of her life this past weekend. I am beyond excited for her! She has been my hope and inspiration through the past 6 months of my life. Love you, my Ashley!
Ashley and Tony
May: My month has started on a good note. Today is my dear friend, Joelle’s Birthday, Happy Birthday Joelle!
I was off work today, so I started my day with Oxford Exchange, banana-nut waffles, a capuccino, a good book and me…
On an ending note, remember that the days of our lives are meant to be shared. We were put on this earth to love and learn from one another. It is my goal that you recognize yourself in me…(even if you have a cat phobia) and can learn from my own crazy life experiences! I hope that you feel “caught up” now